Only Reminds Me Of You

I see you beside me
it's only a dream,
a vision of what used to be
the laughter, the sorrow
pictures in time
fading to memories.

how could I ever let you go
is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
when I turn out all the light
even the night
it only reminds me of you.. you...

I needed my freedom
that's what I thought
but I was a fool to believe
my heart lied while you cried
rivers of tears but I was too blind to see

everything we've been though before
now it means so much more

I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
When it turn out all the light
even the night
it only reminds me of you..

only you..
so come back to me
I'm down on my knees
can't you see..

how could I ever let you go
is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
when it turn out all the light
even the night it only reminds me of you... you

Only reminds me of you


Hahaha Nopaaaal!!! Hanyyyyy!!!
Sorry ngerepotin kalian berdua dengan nyanyiin lagu ini di telepon dan memaksa kalian untuk mengetahui siaapa penyanyinya :))
Swear, orang2 di sebelah gue di Bus Stop juga sama horrornya sama kalian denger gue nyanyi di tengah crowd dengan pedenya :))

Thanks anyway guys, gue nemu di net akhirnya ;)

Now I know why the only one I trust is only myself

Berkabung lagi atas matinya satu perasaan..

Singapore, 31 August 2005 2.32 pm

Confusing Adam

Last week

Adam : Mak, If I'm big enough, can I buy a bus? A big bus?

Gue : Like this? *ngangkat mobil2an Adam*

Adam : No, yang kayak kita suka naik ke Westmall.

Gue : Ooh, why? Isn't that too big for you?

Adam : No, when I grow up I wanna be a bus driver. Can I?

Gue : *speechless*


Today

Gue : Dek, see the Bus Driver waving at you? Say bye bye!

Adam : Bye Bye!!!

Gue : You really like bus, don't you baby?

Adam : Yes, but I don't wanna be Bus Driver.

Gue : Lho?

Adam : When I grow up I wanna be a vampire.

Gue : Kebanyakan nonton tivi loe, Nak.

Keep Our Dream Alive, Hun!

I love her at the first sight on the first day of our MABIM in our campus.
She was breathtakingly beautiful, wide eyed, sincere smile, and surprisingly witty and sarcastic.
It was *gosh* more than 14 years ago.
Her body was voluptous. Her hair was long, black and she wore it in ponytail.
I was in love with her throughout our days together in campus and long afterwards.

In 14 years so many things has changed.

I met my husband, had 2 kids from him, and eventually me and her become drifted apart.

After all, can we expect a good friendship will last if we're like more than 10.000 miles apart from each other?

We stopped sending each other news, we stopped emailing each other, we were in two different world. She's well into her career, I'm pretending to be contented with my job as a homemaker.

Then she changed her telephone number, and forgot to inform me.

I was devastated.

But then again, it's me..Mel..the not-so-optimistic girl.
The Negative Thinking girl.
The what-did-I-do-so-wrong-so-you-don't-want-to-be-my-friend girl.

I thought she just doesn't care about me anymore.

Countless night I think about her and wept..and wept..and wept.
She was my soulmate.
Altho I'm not sure whether she felt the same way with me.
She was popular, I'm a loner.
True, I had many friends in campus, but she was the only one who stole my heart away.
She was the only one I want to be with.

Then..
after many self destructive moment..
2 weeks ago we began talking again.

I Y!M-ed her and said I'm sorry if I did something wrong to her.
And she said she's the one who should say sorry for not telling me her new number.

We bridge the distance again.

Yesterday I talk to her and found out that we were still very much our oldselves.
We planned all the craziest thing we want to do together.
Like globetrotting (backpacker style, do you mind? we're not THAT rich), take photos, basically : ngegelandang.

We might start sooner than we originally planned ( Hun, better we do it before we turn 40, right?).

So this December she will come over to Singapore and see where it going to lead us ;)

It's okay, Hun..
We start with Singapore first, we'll walk to Chinatown, Bugis, Arab Street, no babies, no dads, nobody but us.

And who knows our next destination will be Timbooktoo? Where we could watch people grinning at us when we're trying to speak their language.
And we won't even protest if they mumbles "Idiotic Asian!", because we will be too happy and too excited to give a damn ;)

Right, Hun? :)

When Zaidan Rendra Met The Hidayat Family :)

Thanks to brother Zaidan Rendra (fellow fotografer.netters) for these sweet candid photos :)
Next time we'll pose for you ;)

Mel's Photography

Jangan Cintai Aku Seperti Matahari Mencintai Bumi

Ketika kutanya kau..
Seperti apakah cintamu padaku?

Di sudut bibirmu tersungging senyuman..
Aku cinta kau seperti upil..

Upil???

Aku ternganga dan membelalakkan mata..

Upil???

Kau mengangguk dan kulihat sinar matamu penuh canda..

Kau menjentik hidungku..

Aku mencintaimu seperti upil..
karena walaupun upil itu kecil..tapi dia selalu ada, setiap saat selalu ada..
Dibersihkan seperti apapun selalu ada..

Setiap hari, setiap waktu..
Selalu kembali...

Aku tercenung dan berkata perlahan,

Mengapa kau tak bisa mencintaiku seperti matahari mencintai bumi?

Setiap hari datang tiada pernah alpa?

Kau tersenyum dan menjawab geli,
tapi berarti aku tak mencintaimu malam hari..

Karena malam hari sang bumi dicintai oleh sang bulan..

Aku sandarkan kepalaku di dadamu..

Kalau begitu..
Biarlah cintamu padaku seperti upil saja..

:)

Mel's Photography

Hampir Berakhir Senja Itu

Diam di antara kita sungguh menggugut hati..
Tertunduk dua kepala mengakui kekalahannya..

Apa akan kita katakan lagi,
semua yang menyakitkan hati?

Bukankah sudah cukup harusnya cintaku untuk cintamu?

Bukankah sudah genap harusnya rasa cinta yang diuji waktu?

Di matamu ada genangan air mata..
Di mataku ada luka..

Dan luka yang kita tujah sendiri seperti menggali kuburan itu..

Kuburan siapa itu, Kekasih?

Kau menatapku..tatapan kekalahan..
Aku menatapmu..tatapan terluka..

Matahari hampir tenggelam..
Senja akan berakhir..

Kita terkesiap oleh sinarnya..

Lalu kita berpelukan..
Dan bersumpah..
Jangan sampai mati cinta kita!!!

Dan berdoa semoga Tuhan masih mau mendengarnya..

Mel's Photography

Berlari Menuju Cahaya


Jangan salahkan aku..
Salahkan matamu..
karena aku melihatnya..
dan seketika memahamimu..

Aku tahu kapan aku jatuh cinta..
adalah waktu aku tak dapat membedakan antara keinginan dan napsu..

dan aku selalu jatuh cinta padamu..
mau atau tak mau..

seperti berlari kepada api..
tahu akan terbakar..
tapi sinarnya begitu mempesona..

dan waktu aku lari padamu...
akan terbakarkah aku?
terbakarpun tak apa lah..
yang penting sudah kusentuh kau..

dan napsu kembali menang..
dan kubohongi lagi diriku..
dengan katakan bahwa luka bakar itu tak sakit..

itu luka asmara..
luka asmara memang seharusnya sakit..
dan sekarang nikmatilah luka itu..

Photo Courtesy of : Suryatmaning Hany
Photoshopped and Destroyed by : Mel


Thanks for Hany's quick action, now I have a photo with my husband beside our wedding photo :))

Some Men Are Born To Be Strangled, Wrapped in a blanket, and Dumped in the river!

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!!

Can't say anything, I'm too upset.
When are they're going to learn that we Women also have brains and when we say "NO" it's "NO", NOT "MAYBE YES , MAYBE NO", or "NO, BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME SAY YES."

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

I hope you fry !

Aku bersyukur kami ada di sini

Minggu lalu kami menghadiri salah satu bagian acara dari National Day Parade.
Biarpun kami orang Indonesia, tidak ada salahnya ikut jadi penggembira.
Toh kamipun numpang cari makan di sini.

Kami pergi sejak pagi ke Marina South, dengan tekad melihat Fireworks malamnya.
Singaporean yang selalu kiasu akan selalu datang cepat sehingga kalau kita terlambat sedikit saja, jangan harap kebagian tempat.

Sebelum Fireworks dimulai, acara dibuka dengan show off-nya tentara Singapore.
Terjun payung, Fire Brigade, Polisi, dan segala macam antek2nya mulai beraksi memperlihatkan kehebatan mereka.

Tank baja, lengkap dengan tentaranya yang dipoles2 wajahnya supaya menakutkan lari2 menuju lapangan dan menembakan senjata (err..apa itu cuma suara latar yah?)
Semua anak2 di tribun, termasuk anakku yang besar melompat2 senang melihat aksi tersebut.

Waktu Fire Brigadenya masuk ke lapangan lengkap dengan Fire Trucknya, Shafira dengan konyolnya berteriak, "Look!!! Teletubbies!!!"
Yeah..you are my daughter :))

Sepanjang acara show off itu Fira ketawa2 saja sambil nunjuk2,
"Look Mak!!! They put off the fire but they ignore the 'victim' !!"
"Hahahahahahha"

tsk...gak keliru bener gue ngambil dia di Rumah Bersalin..emang anak gue bener :D

Setelah keributan di lapangan mereda, gue melihat ke arah Adam yang sedari tadi diam di pangkuan gue.
Rupanya dia ketakutan setengah mati mendengar bunyi tembakan, bom dan sirine bertubi2.

"Adek, kenapaaa?," kata gue khawatir.
"Adek takut liat tentara sama polisi.." "They have gun, gun only for bad people."
"I don't like them!", katanya keras

Gue terhenyak mendengarnya. Wah..ternyata doktrin gue tentang gun dan senjata sudah backfire. Gue selama ini memang menolak membelikan Adam pistol2an dengan alasan gun and weapon are only for bad people.
Gue lupa nerangin kalau orang baik juga perlu gun untuk menangkap bad peoplenya.

Hmmmhhhh

Melihat Adam begitu ketakutannya dengan bunyi tembakan, bom, dan sirine..tiba2 gue membayangkan anak2 yang berada di daerah konflik.
Betapa ketakutannya mereka harus mendengar aksi ini setiap hari, dan bukan dalam rangka show off, tapi in real life.

Dan gue, si Cengeng..kembali meneteskan air mata.

Singapore bukan Bandung, tapi gue bersyukur ini bukan Aceh, ini bukan Afghanistan, bukan Irak..

Pertama kalinya dalam 2 minggu, gue bersyukur ada di sini...

Cengeng

Aku cengeng.

karena itu aku tidak menulis selama berminggu2. Karena itu aku gak punya mood untuk even mereply sapaan teman2 di shoutbox.

marahi aku.
tapi aku gak bisa berbuat apa2.

aku cengeng karena seluruh jiwa dan ragaku menolak berada di tempatku sekarang.
semua cell dalam tubuhku berontak.

aku ingin pulang.

1 minggu di Bandung, kota tercintaku, membuat aku sangat tersiksa kembali ke Singapore.

belum lagi anak2ku juga menangis sepanjang perjalanan Bandung-Singapore.

semua tidak ingin pulang.

bahkan suamiku yang jelas2 bukan orang Sunda apalagi orang Bandung memasang wajah ditekuk di hari yang menyedihkan itu.

[quote abang]"Aku paling gak suka perasaan seperti ini." "Itu kenapa aku jarang pulang."
"Mentalku seperti balik ke 0 setiap harus pergi dari Bandung."

kalau impact yang demikian bisa dia rasakan, bagaimana dengan AKU???????

tadi malam, Shafira masuk ke kamarku dengan mata merah sambil berkata, " Mak, kenapa sih Allah bikin keluarga kita berpisah2 seperti ini? I miss my family in Indonesia, A LOT!!"

aku cuma bisa diam, memeluknya dan berkata, "I miss them too hunny babe, tapi jangan salahkan Allah. Kita memang suatu saat harus berpisah, gak bisa bareng terus..even you and me."
"You'll meet someone you love enough to follow him anywhere. You'll meet someone you love almost as much as you love me, and you'll choose to be with him anytime than with me."

fira menatapku dengan mata besarnya yang penuh airmata, "Nooooo!!! I won't love anyone more than I love you!!!" "If he wants to marry me we have to live near you."

menatap anakku terisak2 penuh air mata aku memarahi diri sendiri karena memberikan dia sebuah fakta yang belum bisa dia cerna.

ingatanku kembali ke Bandung..
dan aku dan anakku berpelukan, menangis bersama..

Matahari Di Ujung Jalan Mendaki

Cipanas-Garut In Blue

Cipanas-Garut